~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The following is a Log of
The Tantic Forum
~~~~~~~~~~~~~Speaker~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Troimille
"The
Current of Love" #4 of
10
"Filtering
out love and connection-- getting past all our filters, symbols and programs.
The current of intentionality that we create with our thought
forms."
Being in touch with the organism; orgasmic sensibility;
reframing our ideations; honing attention to what serves."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alisnntrnt: welcome Barry
Troimille: Good evening, friends.
Lightbr8: Good evening
Alisnntrnt: how are you all tonight?
Lightbr8: Just fine....busy with the end of the semester
Troimille: I got IM-bombed when I tried to get in
before-- now I'm being
extra careful—session-logging, etc.
Troimille: Lightbr8, you're in school too? I just
finished my semester.
Lightbr8: No..I teach
students to work in the operating room
Troimille: So, Alisnn--
what's on the agenda tonight?
Alisnntrnt: lol, you
Lightbr8: Hi Six
Alisnntrnt: we can wait for a few more or you can
begin anytime
SIXBAY: <= )
Alisnntrnt: hey Kareem
SIXBAY: Hi Light :)
Troimille:
Hey, Sixbay- how you are doing?
SIXBAY: Hi Alisn :)
SIXBAY: Hi Troimille
SIXBAY: nothing much :)
SIXBAY: still gather information :)
Lightbr8: Gathering information???
Troimille: Mary, shall I assume everyone has seen the
blurb in the
newsletter?
SIXBAY: yep :)
SIXBAY: finding good stuff :)
Lightbr8: What kind of information are you gathering??
Alisnntrnt: yes, I hope so :)
SIXBAY: secret governments
SIXBAY: federal reserve
SIXBAY: FEMA
SIXBAY: Kabbalah
SIXBAY: all over the place :)
Troimille: Sixbay, I hope
you don't leave out the
Lightbr8: Wow...that certainly is a spread....any purpose for this??
Alisnntrnt: Barry, would you like to review the
assignment first?
SIXBAY: for some reason...
SIXBAY: the information that I have is converging on itself
SIXBAY: it is all starting to connect and weave together
SIXBAY: can tell you much :)
SIXBAY: but later ... or in an IM
SIXBAY: is Troimille time :)
Troimille: Ok, there are only a few of us here yet,
but who has tackled the
homework during the
Troimille: past month?
Alisnntrnt: I have
Troimille: Alisnntrnt, ok,
what did you notice about your choices and
efforts?
Alisnntrnt: that I am becoming aware of when I need
to become more aware
Alisnntrnt: if that makes sense
Troimille: (and anyone else who's tried it)
Lightbr8: I find that many of my choices are due to past patterns...but I
become aware a lot sooner....
Troimille: Alisnntrnt,
actually, what we become aware of, is how asleep and
helpless we've been
Troimille: up until that moment-- it's very dis-heartening till we
understand what it is.
Lightbr8: that many of the reasons are due to that and can now make a ...
Alisnntrnt: it's really difficult not to react as in
the past
Lightbr8: more conscious decision
Troimille: Lightbr8, do you know that we don't have
to worry at all about
"past patterns"? That's
Troimille: a device of psychology, and totally
unnecessary for getting
inside of these energies
Troimille: and consciousnesses. See why?
Lightbr8: Why??
Lightbr8: I know that it is not necessary...but it is what is most familiar
to me...so....
Lightbr8: that is where I often turn first...but my little inner voice or
guidance comes
Lightbr8: out much sooner now...
Troimille: Both of you are really saying the same
thing-- sort of comparing
what you are
Troimille: experiencing
part of the
Troimille: observation, don't you see?
Lightbr8: Yes I have also become the observer
Lightbr8: And the guidance is much stronger as the awareness grows
Troimille: As we drop out of all the inner talking,
we'll see more and more
and more.
Troimille: Welcome, PLaud
and PWein-- we're going over the homework so far--
you have any
Troimille: observations or questions about it?
PLaud53889: none for me so far, I'm a first-timer
PWein233: Nor for me~~been gone for a while
Troimille: Ok, the homework was to take snapshots of
when and how we make
our "choices"
Troimille: and see what in us really makes those
choices-- this is in stark
contrast to our notions
Troimille: about "free will."
Troimille: Please feel free to try it out every day--
it's really a good
basis for our future work.
Troimille: Ok, let's move forward, shall we? Unless
questions...?
Troimille: Everybody has their favorite excuses for
keeping things as they
are, you have your
Troimille: favorite excuses for staying as you are.
Is that the way you
want to live? Is it alive for
Troimille: you? Are you expressing the passion and
love and devotion that
you are made of?
Troimille: We have prepared a shining path for you--
but what does it take
for you to walk on this
Troimille: path? It is the path of Beauty and
Wonderment and Joy-- it is
the Miraculous. Can
Troimille: you walk in this Brilliance with excuses
or with the same old
tired energy that you are
Troimille: "surviving" with? What is
"surviving" but the way to die in your
sleep? What have you
Troimille: accomplished?
Troimille: Now is the time for giving all that up.
It's entirely up to you--
it's not going to
Troimille: happen to you, there is no pill to take
that will make you full
of vitality and Force
Troimille: of Will, because that is what you *are*,
not what happens to you,
not what "they
Troimille: accomplish", not the automatic,
senseless "evolution of the human
race." Then
Troimille: what *do* you bring with you on the
shining path? It's so easy
to say "Be here
Troimille: now" or "I am God" or
"God's love" or "everything is perfect", as
long as you have
Troimille: no commitment to any of it. But there is
nobody home to say "I
AM-HERE-
Troimille:
Who
Troimille: speaks for you, when you say
"I"? Why do you always end up
having to
Troimille: "explain" or justify everything
that you do?
Troimille: ... any questions, comments or arguments
about this so far? (the
first part is straight out
Troimille: of a channeling I received)
Alisnntrnt: I wondered
Lightbr8: I don't think I explain everything I do or believe....
Troimille: (so is the second part, actually)
Alisnntrnt: who is the 'we' Troi?
Troimille: Lightbr8, we all do, I have found, and so
my teachers always
pointed out for us to
Troimille: observe, if we could. We have to be so
light, so quiet...
Lightbr8: I am not light or quiet anymore...
Troimille: Alisnntrnt,
"the Beautiful Many of the Christ vibrations"
Alisnntrnt: I've never heard that term before
PWein233: I agree with Light. I seldom find myself explaining my behavior
or my actions
Troimille: Lightbr8, is that
your affirmation? How about, "I no longer
think I am as light and
Troimille: quiet as I used to think, but I wish
it" or something positive?
Troimille: PWein233, true-- we very seldom *find* our
*selves*-- it takes
Power and Speed to do
Troimille: it, and long long
long patient practice.
Troimille: :)
Lightbr8: I may be misunderstanding...but I Know that
I am not as quiet or
unsure or afraid....
Lightbr8: I profess what I believe to others
Troimille: Lightbr8, I see. Then we are talking about
two very very
different things.
PWein233: I can and do attest to that Light. You certainly have no need nor
do you
Lightbr8: Am I on a different track Barry?
Troimille: The Quietness I am
referring to does not mean we don't speak, but
that we are no longer
Troimille: slaves of our inner judgments and chatter.
Lightbr8: Oh well...that is still a constant struggle...just not as bad as
earlier
Lightbr8: Thanks for the clarification...
Troimille: Lightbr8, for me, after 45 years of such
work, I am finally
getting to the hard parts of my
Troimille: struggle against judgment and programmed
running around inside
myself.
Lightbr8: Yes...I can understand.....
Troimille: ... I feel quite insane most of the time--
takes all my practices
and Power to hold steady
Troimille: and keep Center.
Lightbr8: Yes....LOL....I can also relate to that
Troimille: PWein, did we
answer your question or comment?
PWein233: working on it
Troimille: Ok, I'll go on a little longer...
Troimille: What will your life be like with no
excuses, no explanations, no
defenses-- just the sheer
Troimille: vibrancy of Being Life Force, the
expression of the Truth of
God-- not some verbal
Troimille: formulation, but the Truth Itself? This is
the path toward being
the Christ, the Crown of
Troimille: Being that awaits each Son and Daughter of
the Infinite Eternal
who stands up to receive
Troimille: it, as your birthright, but you've got to
stand up. You've got
to open your eyes and
Troimille: awaken. It is a matter of life and death,
right now! Standing
up this moment, and then
Troimille: *this* moment, in perfect humbleness and
gratefulness and
submission to perfect joy of
Troimille: being, is the
antidote to dying, to the emptiness of going
through the motions of zombie
Troimille: ritual.
Troimille: "Standing up" here does not mean
at anyone's expense, in some
kind of competition-- it
Troimille: does not mean *taking* something that
belongs to someone else, or
"asserting your
Troimille: rights or your individuality." It
means embracing the
inconceivable mystery of the
Troimille: Miraculous all the way through your Heart,
with your mind and
body as disciplined
Troimille: servants of Heart's Desire, with unbending
intent, with a laser
vibration that penetrates
Troimille: every obstacle. This is the manifestation
of Faith.
Troimille: (now I should hear some good arguments :)
Lightbr8: My life would be of pure light...one with the Universe...with
God...totally pure...
Lightbr8: What Depak talks about as Total Bliss
Troimille: Lightbr8, what would it take for you? what new commitment or
inspiration?
Troimille: Lightbr8, one thing though-- we definitely
go through our
personal Hell on the way there.
Lightbr8: Oh geeZzzz.....to let go of all the old
thoughts of unworthiness,
not being enough....all
Lightbr8: that stuff
Tanajtras: Antidote to dying?
Troimille: Anyone else? What would it take for you to
embrace the Mystery of
your own Heart?
Lightbr8: Well than you Barry...sometimes it seems like a hell...
Troimille: Lightbr8, it gets far worse at times, but
the ecstatic gifts way
more than make up for it.
Troimille: Look at how people go after skydiving and
racing and roller
coasters...
Lightbr8: Ok...heres the truth....admitting it in
front of others.....
Troimille: ... somehow there is an instinct in us to
meet Death in this big
rush-- but meeting the
Troimille: Crown of Life is much much
bigger!
Lightbr8: I often think...How dare I think that I could be so
magnificent...what give me the right
Troimille: Lightbr8, ready...
Lightbr8: there it is....
Troimille: Lightbr8, have you ever asked, "What
gives me the right to ever
doubt one least bit?"
Lightbr8: I know..I know..heard it before...but I'm
trying....growing...
Lightbr8: Time to move on to someone else
Troimille: ... Light's comment is a great example of
the Wish that leads to
Perfection. Who else
Troimille: here is sitting on a volcano?
Lightbr8: <-----waiting to erupt and become magnificent.....
Troimille: Who here
beauty, ultimate joy?
Zensual2U: >> I do
Alisnntrnt: I do, too
Esnshl4me: >> raising hand
Zensual2U: (raising hand)
Troimille: Zensual2U, Esnshl4me, will you do *ANYTHING*
for it?
Zensual2U: .. just about
Esnshl4me: yes, so I say to myself
Zensual2U: under the proper trusted guidance
SIXBAY:
<~~~ on the hunt for it :)>Zensual2U: proper
Troimille: I keep thinking I won't, that I must
probably have great
weaknesses and holdbacks, but
Troimille: my WISH keeps overpowering those thoughts
and sluggishnesses.
Lightbr8: It's like a drive....
Troimille: (I'm lucky-- I never had much to hold onto
in the world, and yet
it's still hard to let go)
Zensual2U: yes I encounter this as well ... but do we not find solace in
the theory of detachment
Tanajtras: Very when society says you
"must" have this and that
Zensual2U: in order to overcome the self imposed bondage of fears and
insecurity
Troimille: Lightbr8, it's such a strong drive-- it's
the channeling of what
drives people to
Troimille: addictions and violence when misdirected--
but it is the Power to
make the leap
Troimille: and jump to the Miraculous.
Troimille: Zensual2U, there is no "theory of
detachment," there is the
Troimille: get loose of the stranglehold of the petty
seductions of the
lower world.
Troimille: We have the most amazing treasures waiting
for us, with our name
on them, should we
Troimille: send back the winning number... :)
Zensual2U: yes ,, thank you for clarifying this
Troimille: Think about what LOVE could be like if it
was absolutely free of
agendas, requirements,
Troimille: hold-backs, fears, old pains, ...
Lightbr8: totally unconditional
Tanajtras: Love is this way. We just put our own
conditions on ourselves
Tanajtras: And then onto others
Alisnntrnt: we limit ourselves
Troimille: We reach out to try to grasp each other's
energy, but we don't
reach all the way, and we
Troimille: grasp and crush in our neediness and
attachment. Ecstasy is a
delicate butterfly, and it is
Zensual2U: we strangle our souls
Troimille: the raging torrent. :|
Troimille: Let me roll out more of the prepared text
so we're all on the
same page...
Lightbr8: Please explain "raging torrent"
Troimille: Ok, Lightbr8, do you suppose that the
Power of Love is just some
nice greeting-card
Troimille: pattern? What if we are MADE of Love? What
if every cell of us
is bursting with Life
Troimille: Force?
Lightbr8: yes...
Lightbr8: not greeting card
Lightbr8: we are made of love
Troimille: ... and that is why it is so important for
us to be clean and
sweet-- else the
Troimille: Force would harm others and ourselves.
Lightbr8: and??
Lightbr8: no.....not if it is full of love...
Troimille: Lightbr8, and then we are
the Vessel of Love-Power, creating
beauty everywhere.
Troimille: Ok, ready to continue a bit?
Lightbr8: yes...I think that is our purpose.......OK ready...
Zensual2U: yes
Troimille: There is no sense of assertion,
aggression, violence or
exploitation. You are
Troimille: each other's Dream-- it is just your
responsibility to dream it
Beautiful, full of
Troimille: Love, and aligned with the Light of the
Truth. Don't attempt to
"understand"
Troimille: these words-- just *live* the Vibration of
the Passion of Being
in all and
Troimille: everything that you are dreaming.
Troimille: Listen to the Song of everything and
everyone that you
encounter-- dance with
Troimille: them, but without becoming trapped or
"identified" with them. Be
light, without
Troimille: any possessing. Let the Love and energy
flow through you.-- they
*give* you
Troimille: energy, way more than you had before; but
you must start with the
basic core
Troimille: commitment and surrender to the Higher--
no excuses, no "next
time,"
Troimille: because "next time" is in the
direction of degradation and death.
Troimille: No wishing for anything to be "over
already," because that is the intending of
Troimille: non-being. No settling for "good
enough" or doing anything
because "it's
Troimille: expected." Now make your criterion
"Does it serve in the
Highest?" "Is it
Troimille: Beauty?" "Is it connecting and
including and uplifting?" and "Am
I free within
Troimille: it?"
Troimille: ... do you see where we are going now. How
intending from the
Whole of Your
Troimille: Self is the Creation itself?
Lightbr8: Yes
Troimille: (ready for comments/questions)
Esnshl4me: wow....
Lightbr8: No comment this time...LOL....I totally agree
Esnshl4me: another meaning to "take no prisoners" lol
Troimille: Esnshl4me, right! Ok, now-- what is
keeping me (if anything at
all) from
Troimille: stepping onto this path of exquisiteness?
Troimille: (note: when I say "me", I mean
YOU! :)
Esnshl4me: don't know what keeps you from walking the path... here it's fear
of failure, fear of pain
Troimille: Esnshl4me, don't worry about po' me... I've walked on fire and
glass.
Lightbr8: LOL
Troimille: Esnshl4me, but is it really those
"reasons"???? Where is your
WISH?
Esnshl4me: the WISH is freedom
Troimille: YOUR WISH is not some word, some idea. It
is your very own life
force.
Tanajtras: Like a feeling in a sense
Troimille: Tanajtras, say more?
Tanajtras: Freedom is termed as an expression in this
society
Tanajtras: Wishing for something society holds can
make your own prison
walls
Troimille: Tanajtras, the
only agenda "society" has for us is to quietly
wait in line to die.
Tanajtras: And if I am already dead?
Troimille: Tanajtras, then
what are we doing here?
Tanajtras: allowing others to go before us
Troimille: Anybody else?? We are talking about YOUR WISH
that drives you to the center
Troimille: of Life Force. How do you find it in
yourself?
Lightbr8: Me??
Troimille: That's why we've had this homework for a
month. How can you
achieve your
Troimille: ultimate possibilities if you can't stop
your constant cycle of
running around
Troimille: inside yourself, your programming? Can you
try? Do you WISH to try... to LIVE?
Lightbr8: Very much so
Troimille: Lightbr8, yes you. You're doing fine by
me.
Lightbr8: The old patterns don't serve me anymore
Lightbr8: Time is to short to "fart" around
anymore....I am driven to move
on
Troimille: Lightbr8, but they sure stick, don't they.
That's why we have to
have a clear,
Troimille: powerful aim, and
we have to have a lineage to work in.
Troimille: Tantra was only
such lineages-- now it has become watered down and
Troimille: popularized. But it has the core of what
we need.
Lightbr8: Absolutely.....and the help of like people to help us along our
way
Tanajtras: And in finding the "smaller"
details of how my rituals work I
have begun anew again
Troimille: Lightbr8, people come and go-- I find that
the Lineages are not
about people so much.
Troimille: Tanajtras, good
point-- like what, for example?
Tanajtras: My morning ritual
Tanajtras: the first thing I do
Tanajtras: Stretching and finding myself
Tanajtras: Finding where the pain and healing is
Tanajtras: Not just the pain
Troimille: Tanajtras,
that's important-- I have to do that several times a
day.
Tanajtras: With your exercise I found myself getting
back to my roots
Tanajtras: Seeing things for the first time again
Troimille: That's great. That's what we're looking
for -- seeing with
"beginner eyes"
Troimille: Ironic, isn't it? We work all our lives to
become a Beginner!
Troimille: Let me roll out my last paragraph of text,
and then we can
"schmooze" :)
Troimille: So now we have come closer to the Moment
of Choice-- dropping all our ideas
Troimille: about what Love is, what Being in the
Moment is, what Will is,
what Freedom
Troimille: is, who I am, what we are doing here. Now
we come to where we can turn off
Troimille: all that noise and penetrate the Mystery,
as this amazing
organism whose
Troimille: secrets were left with us eons ago, and
which is now awakening, and we are
Troimille: birthing it. Behold the Miraculous...
Troimille: :) :D
Tanajtras: ;~)
Troimille: Ok, friends, it's your show now-- go for
it...
Lightbr8: Comment....you know when I started on this part consciously about 10
yrs ago....
Troimille: I didn't realize...
Lightbr8: I found it was like being back in kindergarden
again....
Lightbr8: learning everything again...but in a different way...
Lightbr8: being a child....
Lightbr8: and my drive has only become stronger....sometimes hard...but
stronger
Troimille: Lightbr8, see? We do keep restarting. As
your Faith grows, it
tests itself, doesn't it?
Lightbr8: Finished...LOL
Troimille: Started... :)
Lightbr8: Oh. yes...I every time I make a
discovery....face a challenge...I
get tested...
Lightbr8: It's like the universe saying...."well did you learn it this
time"
Troimille: Right- - I've noticed that.
Lightbr8: And I find it is all a choice
Lightbr8: A choice to see things differently
Esnshl4me: amazing, I had not looked at it this way before
Lightbr8: It is all up to me...
Esnshl4me: but it's true!
Troimille: ::::::: Esnshl4me
achieves satori :::::::::
Esnshl4me: :) and what is satori??
Troimille: Esnshl4me, enlightenment that springs
forth in the moment of
epiphany.
Lightbr8: Oh wonderful.....an "Ah Ha"
Troimille: Right-- Ah HA is so much more concise!
Alisnntrnt: I love 'ah-ha' moments
Troimille: Anyone else? Does any of this touch you?
Lightbr8: Don't you love it when a "plan" comes together...LOL
PhenixWmn: Troi....my first
time here.....it feels very nice and in
accordance with the way I think
Alisnntrnt: Troi, sometimes
I find that one 'ah-ha' is later replaced by
another
Troimille: PhenixWmn,
that's great. Do you reach exquisite ecstacy of
Being?
Troimille: Alisnntrnt, they
sort of stack up, for me.
Alisnntrnt: the learning is in layers
PhenixWmn: Troi.....that's
a wonderful aspiration
Troimille: PhenixWmn, but it's hard-- I bounce back and forth from depths of agony to
heights of bliss.
Celynmar1: hills and valleys....all part of the journey...but worth the
climb
Troimille: Celynmar1, what is your path like? Have
you worked with us the past few weeks?
Celynmar1: learning how to manipulate energy at the various levels.....no
unfortunately I did not join
Celynmar1: you prior to this...however...what you say is "familiar"
Troimille: Celynmar1, take a look at the logs-- in
the newsletter for this
forum. In a way,
Troimille: of course we are manipulating
"energy," but really directing
consciousness,
Troimille: attention, intent, Will... right?
Celynmar1: yes! better said
Celynmar1: learning who we are in those various states....the energy changes
Troimille: I like it that way, because it is
something I can do something
about-- my
Troimille: attention, my habits, etc. Energy is
somehow "outside" of me,
isn't it?
Celynmar1: But we have to take responsibility and learn to identify with
that energy since we
Troimille: Celynmar1, yes-- every way we
"are" has its own energies, for
sure.
Troimille: ... *is* our own energy, right!
Troimille: Anything else before we close for the
evening?
Alisnntrnt: any more assignments Barry?
Troimille: Alisnntrnt,
everything else builds on the assignment we already
have. Not
Troimille: enough people have done it yet. We should
do it every day for
ten or fifteen
Troimille: years and see what happens...
Celynmar1: Troi what is the assignment?
Alisnntrnt: Cel, it's in
the newsletter and on the web site
Troimille: Mary, do you have the official text handy?
Lightbr8: Barry..do you ever
do workshops?? How about in the East?
Alisnntrnt: not close...lol
Troimille: Lightbr8, I used to give workshops, but
this really takes
consistent work, and it
Troimille: has to be about oneself, not some
"leader," I believe.
Troimille: Lightbr8, but I did bring a Work to
successful!
Tanajtras: Notice whether your "choices"
are conscious or habitual.
Tanajtras: Notice what you really have any choice
about.
Lightbr8: But it is sometime difficult by ourself...many
times we are
blinded by our own stuff....help
Tanajtras: Notice whether you can intend beyond
circumstances.
Lightbr8: helpful to be questioned....directed....
Troimille: Celynmar1, Tanajtras
just repeated the assignment.
PhenixWmn: Thank you Troi
Celynmar1: yes! great thank you Tanaj
Troimille: Lightbr8, we are *always* blind, but we
grope toward the Light,
and
Troimille: something in us finds it. It takes tons of
trust.
Troimille: The funny thing
I've been noticing about it lately, though, is
that everything
Celynmar1: tons and tons another lesson....trust
Troimille: we've been searching for is right under
our noses all along!
Lightbr8: I have really enjoyed this evening.....thank you for your
patience
Lightbr8: Yes..you are
right...
Troimille: Lightbr8, thank YOU for your WISH and your
passion!
Lightbr8: Thank you for allowing me to share with you
Alisnntrnt: Thank you Barry, for all you share
Tanajtras: A quote: "Rings and jewels are not
gifts, but apologies for
gifts.
Tanajtras: The only gift is a portion of thyself."
Tanajtras: Ralph Waldo Emerson
Alisnntrnt: and thank all of you for being here and contributing
Troimille: Tanajtras,
thanks-- that's beautiful!
Troimille: Thank you all, dear friends. We'll move
forward in two weeks,
after Candlemas.
Tanajtras: :~)
Troimille: Please please please try the exercise every day, no excuses, no
judgments for
Troimille: not doing it-- just try it.
Celynmar1: are we journaling this?
Troimille: Yes
Celynmar1: ok
Tanajtras: Especially the judgment and rationalizing
Troimille: Ok, anything else? Everyone, have a
wonderful holiday!
Celynmar1: you too Troi and everyone
Lightbr8: You too...
Esnshl4me: Happy holidays everyone
Troimille: (vibrating with delight)
Lightbr8: your energy is communicable
Alisnntrnt: Enjoy the season all :)
Tanajtras: Till we all meet again
Tanajtras: Namaskara
Troimille: ~~~~~~~~ shucks, thanks ~~~~~~~~ :D
Alisnntrnt: Namaste'